Heading into this new year, I’ve been struggling with a lot of emotions. Usually the New Year is a chance for me to hit the reset button, set new goals, and plan new adventures. It brings hope, renewal and excitement.
This year it brings the most uncertainty I have ever faced. With that uncertainty comes the continued inability to plan my life more than a week or so in advance which I’ve found limiting and often overwhelmingly depressing. At a time in my life where I desperately want to fit in as much adventure and experience as I can, I often can’t, and it has left me feeling unprepared for the heavy days ahead.
In the last month of this roller coaster, I got put on the transplant list for a bone marrow transplant, then two weeks later everyone held their breaths when for the first time it looked like the drugs were finally working! Ten days later, things were back to even worse than before. Now we are waiting to find out if my sister is a match for my transplant. It’s an exhausting and emotionally draining ride of huge ups and huge downs that I wouldn’t be able to keep riding if so many people in my life weren’t continually cheering me on, cheering me up and checking in. Thank you to everyone in my life for being amazing❤️
This weekend I got to spend 4 days with all the people I love the most for our first ever mass family vacation, and now I’m ready for the year ahead. I intend to Love big, love hard and be fearless! 2019 WILL be the year I kick cancer’s ass for good!